Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
