just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
