end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
