allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
