I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
