Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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