if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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