No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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