a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
