@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
