Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
