We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
