remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
