we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
