My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
