I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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