Apparently you make a good broom.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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