porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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