I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
