Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
