I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
