If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
