How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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