no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
