you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
