Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
