I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
