I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
