someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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