Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
too bad you live with your parents still
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He felt like a one man threesome
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
