my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
