Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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