Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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