I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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