What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
