I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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