i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
