honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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