and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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