I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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