I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
