i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
