i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
