i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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