she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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