i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
