I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
