went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
