I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize