Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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