Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
