Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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