Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
