He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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