He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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