Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
