Where are you?
In a non slutty way
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
