Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
