did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
