If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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