yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
