just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
