I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
