but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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