I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
