Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
