The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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